Good mornin' beautiful...

Sometimes I daydream about being sung to. I think it would be one of the most romantic things ever. Finding a guy that is musically impaired wouldn't be a deal breaker..just an added bonus if he included this ability.

These are a few of the most romantic songs I feel are out there. If a man sang one (or all) of these songs to me....oh lord, I would be weak!

Your Man - Josh Turner
Just Like Sunshine - James Otto
Good Morning Beautiful - Steve Holy
When You Say Nothing At All - Keith Whitley
I'd Love To Be Your Last - Clay Walkere
The Greatest Story Ever Told - Oliver James

D Day

A couple of weeks ago "D Day" was celebrated! What is D Day you ask?

Divorce Day. 

Donut Divorce Day. 

Daylight Donut  Divorce Day... because you can't have donuts unless they are Daylight Donuts!

D Day was born in 2000, the year of my divorce. I was quite excited that the papers were signed that I celebrated by bringing donuts to the office that day. The following year I celebrated again, and for a few years after that. 

Then for a few years ...I forgot. 

I still work with a couple of friends that were there on the first D Day. A couple of years ago I was asked, "Why don't we celebrate D Day anymore?" Heck, I don't know why we didn't but who could pass up reviving a holiday that is celebrated with Daylight Donuts?

Not, this girl! 

I actually had to look up the date since I didn't remember it anymore and guess what...It was the 10th anniversary of D Day. Now if that wasn't a sign that it needed to be revived, I don't know what was! 

Daylight Donuts is a little dive building that has been standing for as long as I can remember. They make all their donuts fresh every morning, right in their little building. They open early, 6 am or so, and are only open until early afternoon. Get them in the morning or you don't get them at all! 

So on the particular morning of the 10th revival anniversary of D Day I was standing in the small lobby, looking out the window, as they boxed my 3 dozen assorted donuts for the office. It was about 6:30 am and as I peered out the window I noticed my ex-husband drive by on his way to work. 

(I dial his number)

Him: Hello

Me: Good morning, I just saw you drive by. 

Him: Where are you?

Me: Daylight Donuts, buying donuts to celebrate the anniversary of our divorce. 

Him: Loriiiiiiii, you can't do that, that's not nice. 

Me: (chuckle) Well I am, and it's funny that I watched you drive by at the same time. 

Him: Save me a donut. 

Me: Buy your own, I'm not your wife anymore! :) 

Him: (Laugh) Fine, I am going to have my own celebration and you're not invited.  

Me: Perfect! Have a happy divorce day! 

Him: You too!

(click)

And with that D Day was re-born...

= me

Twelve single years later and the common denominator is ....me?

*gasp*

Skinny Girl

Woman who made Skinny Girl Margaritas = brilliant!

Woman who made Skinny Girl makeup = I don't get it??

I don't think anyone is going to come up to me and say "oh. my. god. you are looking soooo skinny...is it the mascara you've been using??" 

But from now when I feel guilty for eating a whole bag of chocolate...I will just put on some Skinny Girl foundation! 

I miss...

I miss crawling into bed next to the one I love, laying my head on his chest while being kissed on the forehead and falling asleep in his arms. Somehow, for the next 8 hours or so, that brings peace to my analytical mind, calms my worrisome soul and rejuvenates my heart.

Desire

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Robert Frost

Is it asking too much to want that?

Dateless adventures...

It's slightly difficult to write about dating adventures when there haven't been any dates to speak of. I've been on ONE date since last June!

This one date was with the guy I was starting to see last year. Out of the blue he all of a sudden started talking to me again, months after we had decided we were obviously looking for different things. He asked me to go to the movies so I figured what the heck, wouldn't hurt to see if he's in a different place. The date was enjoyable but soon after I asked why he had contacted me again and if what he was looking for had changed. It hadn't. As nice as it was to go on a date I told him to hit the road again..I want a more serious relationship and not going to spin my wheels going no where with him.

I have completely given up on dating sites, the guys don't seem to be looking for a relationship - only a hook up. I don't meet anyone in person that seems interested. I'm beginning to think I should turn this into the dateless adventures blog!

So this is more of what I do with my dateless time...Hockey Games!

Ten Years

Does ten years seem like a long time to you or does it seem just like yesterday!? To me it's a long time. It has been 10 years since I was married. I miss the companionship, the friendship, the partnership and love that ones with marriage. I have had 10 years to grow, learn, and mature. Most of all I have learned what I want and who I am. I never imagined not being married for this long. I am anxious to try marriage again with my acquired insights but not at the expense of settling.

Obviously I haven't settled, if I had I would surely be married by now. So for now I hope my second chance is coming along soon...I don't know if I could make it another 10!

Here's a list of things from 10 years ago to help you gauge how long it's really been...



Cost Of Living 2000

How Much things cost in 2000
Average Cost of new house $134,150.00
Average Income per year $40,343.00
Average Monthly Rent $675.00
Cost of a gallon of Gas $1.26
Average cost of new car $24,750.00
US Postage Stamp 33 cents
1 LB of Bacon $2.97
Ground Coffee per IB $3.44
Loaf of Bread $1.72
Dozen Eggs 89 cents

Barrel Of Oil Tops $30.00 per barrel


Events 2000

U.S.
The State of Vermont passes HB847, legalizing Civil Unions for same-sex couples.
UK
The Tate Modern opens in London.
European Union
The Euro falls to record low against the US dollar
UK
The new Millennium Bridge across the Thames is opens and is closed due to safety fears.
France
Concorde Air France Flight 4590 crashes just after takeoff from Paris killing all 109 aboard and 5 on the ground.
UK
The UK fuel protests take place, with refineries blockaded, and supply to the country's network of petrol stations halted
Egypt
Divers discover the ancient port of Alexandria the home of Cleopatra and Mark Anthony
U.S.
300 gallons of black sludge is released into the Mississippi River causing an environmental disaster
Yemen
In Aden, Yemen, the USS Cole is badly damaged by two suicide bombers on October 12th
Israel
Pope John Paul II visits Israel prayed for forgiveness of the sins of those involved in the Holocaust
U.S.
California suffers the first of two years of Rolling Blackouts
World
The use of mobile phones continues to grow as mobile phones move from the percieved "Yuppie Device" to an essential consumer product.
Rhodesia / Zimbabwe
President Robert Mugabe pressed on with his plan to remove Zimbabwe's farms from white ownership.
Mexico
Mexican voters vote for Vicente Fox as president
Australia
A fire at the Childers Palace Backpackers Hostel in the town of Childers, in Queensland, Australia leaves 15 backpackers dead
UK
The UK is hit by one of the worst snow storms in the last 50 years bringing public transport to a halt
U.S.
The Lifespan in US is now 77.5 years
European Union
Mad Cow Disease causes alarm in Europe due to it's growth
U.S.
America Online and Time Warner Combine
U.S.
Grand Prix Formula One returns to US after nine years to Indianapolis Motor Speedwa
Australia
The Summer Olympics are held in Sydney Australia
Austria
A cable car taking skiers up to a glacier in Austria catches fire in a mountain tunnel killing 156
U.S.
Hillary Clinton is elected to the US Senate representing New York
Panama
Control of the Panama Canal joining the Pacific and Atlantic oceans is handed over to Panama after 75 years of US control
Indonesia
An earthquake measuring 7.9 on the Richter scale strikes the western island of Sumatra, Indonesia
Azerbaijan
An earthquake measuring 7.0 on the Richter scale strikes Baku the capital of Azerbaijan
U.S.
Over 5 million acres destroyed by brush fires in Western US worst in 50 years
U.S.
Tiger Woods becomes the youngest player to win a Grand Slam in Golf
UK
Ken Livingstone is elected as London's first elected mayor
U.S.
U.S. presidential election, 2000 Republican challenger George W. Bush defeats Democrat Vice President Al Gore, but the final outcome is not known for over a month because of disputed votes in Florida.
Philippines
Jeffrey Schilling Taken Hostage By Abu Sayyaf Terrorist Group in Philippines


Technology 2000

The Concerns over Y2K passes without the serious, widespread computer failures and malfunctions that had been predicted

Microsoft releases Windows 2000.

AOL and Time Warner Merge

The Dot Com Bubble Bursts and thousands of DotComs go bust

Faulty Bridgestone/Firestone tyres on the Ford Explorer range blamed for nearly 100 fatalities.

One American astronaut and two Russian cosmonauts prepare for 4 month stay on the international space station,

The Worlds largest Ferris Wheel or Observation Wheel ( The London Eye ) is opened

According to NASA the hole in the Ozone layer over Antarctica has increased by .62 sq miles to 17 square miles in just 12 months

Mars Odyssey is launched

The NASDAQ peaks at 5132.52 just before the dot com bubble bursts.

It is agreed by European Airbus Consortium to go ahead with plans to build the worlds largest passenger plane the Airbus A3xx , it will accommodate up to 656 passengers.

A destructive computer virus ILOVEYOU spread by e-mail shuts down computers world wide


Popular Culture 2000

The popular show Big Brother is broadcast on German private channel RTLH and captures worldwide media interest
The Latest Harry Potter Book Is Published "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
51 million viewers watch the first season finale of the reality show "Survivor"
The last of the original Mini's rolls off the production lines

Popular Films

How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
Cast Away
Mission: Impossible II
Gladiator
What Women Want
The Perfect Storm
Meet the Parents
X-Men
Scary Movie
What Lies Beneath
Gladiator
Erin Brockovich
Billy Elliot
What do you remember ? Did you go to a Concert that year ?
Please take the time to post your memory on this Page

Popular Musicians

Lenny Kravitz
Blink-182
U2
All Saints
N Sync
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Madonna
Faith Hill
Dandy Warhols
Oasis
Bon Jovi
Robbie Williams
Kylie Minogue
Ronan Keating
Santana
Manic Street Preachers
Britney Spears
Robbie Williams
Craig David
The Eurythmics
R.E.M.

I Don't Have ALL the Answers

I have decided that I miss writing about my adventures in dating. I stopped by a few days ago and was reading through past posts and I really enjoyed them! I resolved to start again!

At the beginning of the year I started seeing a guy that I was quite interested in. Around that time I had a friend propose a few questions that got me thinking and I found that I wasn't sure what the answer was. She asked me what I thought I would do if I became serious with him (or any another guy), would I continue to write about the adventures I was having? If so, at what point would I tell him I was writing about the relationship? What if he felt hurt or betrayed? Well...you get the point.

Because of my interest in this fellow, I think her questions made me a little nervous to write about my adventures and I let it fall to the wayside. But to my point earlier...I miss it. I'm still not sure of what the answers are but I do know that I don't write this to make fun of anyone or to be hurtful. It's just my experiences as I experience them. I believe if I was to see someone seriously I would be positive and respectful in what I shared. But most of all I think if he were the right guy for me, he would be cool with it. So for now the adventures will continue.

In the end, the guy I was interested in didn't want anything "serious". I just don't see the point in dating someone for months if there's not going to be any sort of progress or moving forward in the relationship.

NEXT...

Klingon Guy

Sorry to burst any bubbles but this isn't about Star Trek. Although being the geek that I am... it could be! I would totally sport a t-shirt saying, "Team Worf"!

But alas, we are writing about Klingon Guy because he seems like he could be a ...clingy guy!

I want attention and doting from a guy but don't be....clingy. *EW*

If you know me you know that I am very fond of my Blackberry, so much so that I have 2 of them! When I get an email alert from the dating site I am on, I will read it, and often, I will even click into their profile for a quick view.

A couple of nights ago I did just that. But remember I am looking at this webpage on a little two and a half inch square. It's kind of difficult to size someone up in two and a half inches! (let's ignore all the fun we could have with that comment.)

Many times I will just take a quick peek and then wait until I am on the computer to read more, look at their pictures and respond if it's warranted.

It was not even 24 hours later when I had another email from this guy. Really there is just no way to summarize and do it justice ... so here it is:

Hello, well I was hoping to hear back from you last night! I seen you check out my profile and must not have been impressed... I'm o.k. with that but you live so close maybe we could be friends if nothing else. I know this is a lot to ask, but if you don't want to chat as friends will you send a e-mail and tell me, so I don't have to bother you anymore!!! Have a great afternoon..

P.S. I really do hope you will see that I maybe a inch shorter that you, but I'm a really nice guy just to hang with..

Really??

I am flabbergasted.

I did have plans to look at his profile a little more. I hadn't even determined one way or the other if I was interested or not. But I can tell you that now I'm not!

Geez!

Give me a little breathing room. I get notifications all the time of guys looking at my profile but I don't email them saying that I saw they viewed me and that I was wondering why they weren't interested.

Seriously... I honestly don't think it had even been 15 hours when I got this. I didn't know there were time limits on this stuff.

Apparently there is! Who knew? *shrug*

Ummm... does anyone know how to say NEXT in Klingon??

Terms of Endearment

Most internet dating sites allow you certain functionalities with a free membership. In order to communicate they require you to pay. One site I have a profile on allows you to communicate openly as long as at least one of you have a paid membership.

Its on this particular site that I received an email from a guy who has paid for the benefit of being able to communicate freely. His email said, "Hi sweetie".

A couple things bug me about this email.

1. Really?!?? You paid sixty bucks to say TWO words? TWO words! You can't think of more than that to say?

Tell me your name.

Ask mine.

Tell me what you liked about my profile that prompted you enough to contact me.

Tell me something.

Tell me ANYTHING. Say more than TWO words that don't tell me a damn thing!

2. He had me at hello. Ummmm.....not!

The truth is he *lost* me at sweetie!

It isn't that I am an über feminist and don't want to ever be referred to as "sweetie" - but I don't know you from Adam. Endearing words are for and should come from people I feel endearing to.

I feel like this guy probably goes around saying this to everyone, well....that doesn't make me feel very special, now does it?

I want to feel special.

So I've put up a little poll... give me your opinion. Do I email him back and give him a chance OR do I say... NEXT?

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet."

Over the last week or so I have dipped my toe back into the pool of internet dating sites. I reactivated a couple of my accounts but this time I have a different philosophy. I realized that in the past my thought was something along the lines of "who is going to pick me?" This time I am the one that is being a little more picky, my attitude is you can email me and hope that you are worthy of MY attention.

As I have been scrutinizing these profiles I have been increasingly annoyed by a couple of things. We are all familiar the above line from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. So what is in a name? Our names were given to us, and as it references, we are what we are. We are not defined by our name. But in the case of internet dating you pick your "profile name" and in many cases the rose isn't so sweet.

I find it especially interesting when their chosen profile name is a direct contradiction to what they say they are looking for. Often a profile talks about how they are wanting to find someone for a serious relationship yet their name has some reference to sex, body parts, or being a player. Why should I now believe anything they have written? Their name has told me what they are really there for.

One of my biggest pet peeves is the use of the number 69 in the profile name! UGHHH If that is tacked on to the end of a chosen profile name and you are NOT born in 1969 then you are not getting a nano second of my time.

I mean really... are we IN junior high?? Seriously?

The other tactic that will lose my interest real fast is the in-the-bathroom-with-only-a-towel-on mirror picture. Do these guys really want someone who is so shallow that their only interest comes from how they look in a towel? Or is it like the profile name and telling us what they are really looking for and who they are??

So to all the Nastyboy69's .... NEXT!!

One small step for dinner, one giant leap for Date Girl

One downside to this trip (ya know, cuz there haven't been any so far *eye roll*)... is eating alone. It's very hard for me to take myself out to a nice restaurant for dinner and ask for a table for one. I tend to get food to go and eat in my room, skip the meal altogether or eat someplace like the mall eatery with my head buried in a book or magazine.

Friday night I decided enough of that. I needed to go out for some fun, have some real food, and not feel embarrassed that I was eating alone. Earlier in the day I had spotted a Wings bar/grill. Perfect... I love wings! I figured the bar/grill atmosphere would be good so I could get a small table, mingle a little and no books or magazines allowed.

While I was eating I had to keep telling myself to sit up straight, look at people, smile, don't be a bump on a log and just have fun...even with just myself!

(Is it this hard for everyone to eat alone... or just me?)

The food was great, my waiter was nice and after awhile I noticed that even the hot manager was checking on me a lot! *Thinking to myself I kept saying... sit up straighter, smile more, make eye contact, dammit... say hi to this hottie - be brave*

After a while the hot manager stopped by to ask if it was just me dining there tonight. I explained my situation and he said he was glad I came in. In conversation I mentioned I was looking for a place to watch the UFC103 fights the next night and he told me they would be broadcasting it. He said I should definitely come back to watch, gave me the scoop on what time to be there to get in and all that.

*Sweet*

I got all cuted up to go out the next night, went back for some more awesome wings and hopefully a glimpse or two of the hot manager! After I had been there a while the hot manager walked by my table. He smiled and said he didn't think I'd actually come back but was glad I did. Once the fights got started, he had the chance to take a break. He came and sat with me.

*Look at that... I was brave, confident, having fun being out alone, and it paid off! Yay Me*

We talked for about 45 minutes or so, I told him all about my criminal ways in the mile high city and we were having a really great conversation. But in the end it turns out he is married and has one of those "open marriages" where they can see other people.

What is up with that open stuff!?

He was really hot and it was verryyyy tempting to keep getting to know him, *sigh* but...that just isn't for me. I want someone who is MY own, someone who will adore only me and I can adore only him in return.

Is it too much to ask for to get hit on by a hot, single guy who is looking for the same things as I am???

So what have we learned in this adventure?

1. It is totally okay to go out to dinner alone.
2. I don't need to bury my head in a magazine when I do.
3. Sit up, be confident, have fun and enjoy life - people will notice.
4. Wait for the guy who wants you... and only you!

NEXT...

Sightseeing... the criminal way!

While I was in the Denver area the girls I was training asked what I had been to see. I told them I really hadn't ventured out... especially after my adventures in the Beast! They told me that I could take the light rail all the way from where we were at into downtown Denver to the 16th Street Mall. They said it was a good place to shop, eat and look around.

Sounded fun!

After training I went out to the station, looking around I didn't see a ticket office so I asked a couple of kids where to get tickets. They said I didn't need one.

I jumped on the E Line which took us past the Mile High Stadium, the Pepsi Center and ended up at the Union Station.

The 16th Street Mall was a fun street filled with shops, street vendors, outdoor cafés, and street entertainers.

I at lunch at the Denver Hard Rock Café

and particularly had a good time watching this self-made robot guy...

It was a good adventure but then I needed to get back. So I hop back on the light rail for a scenic ride back. At one stop a family with a couple of little girls got on. They were sitting next to me and the girls were telling me all about their fun day. The mom said something about she didn't know why they bought tickets for the ride, there wasn't anyone around to take them. I told them how I was told I didn't need them and she thought maybe it was just a way to take money from tourists!

Well as they got off at their stop, an officer of the light rail system got on. Guess what he was checking for... TICKETS! Guess who didn't have one... ME!

I explained to the nice officer my situation, how I was there from out of town, what the kids told me and he just laughed saying they were hoping to see me get a citation.

Well he needed to see my driver's license and while he called it in he lectured me on how I was stealing from the State of Colorado by not paying and that it's a criminal offense. Meanwhile, the whole train was watching. It was quite embarrassing!

Since I didn't have any *prior* warnings or tickets for this same crime, he wrote me a warning ticket and kindly asked me to step off at the next stop to purchase a ticket from a little vending machine. I was more than happy to do so since I had inquired about it at the beginning of my adventure.

So first the fender bender in the beast, now I am a public transportation thief.. what next?

I am beginning to think Denver hates me! *pout*

Date Girl Adventures in... Denver!

So what does a Date Girl do in Denver when she's there on Business??

She wrecks the company rental, that's what!

Yes it's true. I had a fender bender! *Sad face here* Our rental was a HUGE Suburban so that we could haul inventory, pick up all the items we needed for the new kiosk and all that fun stuff. I spent 2 days joking about how huge that beast was and as soon as I am on my own... bam!

Backing out of a parking stall, I didn't see a Jeep turn behind me. When I started backing out I heard a beep, knowing that it beeped that I was almost out of gas just before parking there, I looked down to see if it was still telling me it needed gas. NO, apparently it beeps right before you HIT something!

*shrug* WHO KNEW???

Luckily, the damage wasn't too great. The picture below shows where I dinged her car. Of course the beast was pretty much sparkling still.

Well this whole thing made for a poopy day! Had to spend a few hours making a police report, calling my company to confess, calling insurance companies, making copies, etc.

I must say the highlight was when Miss Phyllis told me that, right before I backed into her, she screamed for me to "STOP". I laughed and was like, "Honey, I am driving a BEAST!"

I don't know why she expected me to hear her!

*Things to learn:

1. Never drive a Suburban if it can be helped.
2. Park BEASTS in outer darkness and walk 2 miles to destination.
3. Take up as many parking spaces as possible.
4. Never again curse at beastly sized cars that take up as many parking spaces possible.

Summer, Friends, and Good Times...

Labor Day has come and gone. That's the signal that summer is coming to an end. A couple of month's back I turned off my dating profiles and vowed to get out more, meet people and have some fun.

Well, I have done just that. We went to an Indian pow wow, had some great seats at some great concerts, lusted over rodeo cowboys, danced our butts off, joined a social media club and much more... oh, and have made some awesome new friends along the way.

I have had to push my comfort zone levels a little. It's very easy for me to sit back and be a wallflower when I am in a group of new people. I had to make it a goal to introduce myself to at least one person where ever we go... I was good and sometimes met and talked to a few people!

I decided to put one dating profile back up. When I did, I may or may not have been slightly frustrated with a particular man friend at the time and when I rewrote the introduction paragraph it probably was a little on the Alanis Morrisette side of hating men.

I knew it was kinda bitchy, but I didn't care and left it.

It has been posted for a couple weeks now and I've had one (1) guy contact me. One.

Email subject: ? (That was it, just a question mark)

Email: Hay baby what U doin tonight?

First thing that popped into my head was: Not YOU!

*Delete*

Even though I didn't get asked out or have any dates over the summer, I will definitely be continuing into the fall with the plan to get out and keep having fun. I mean we have some serious fun coming up with Haunted Houses, Oktoberfest, and not to mention.... kick ass Hockey Games! But I figure, in the meantime, one little dating profile won't hurt either.

And yes... I did redo it so it's nicer. *Ü*

The Inflatable Husband

Saturday was my birthday! I have left behind the*thirty somethings* and moved on to the big 40. We had a big "boot scootin' woot woot" birthday party for me and went out for a night of country dancing. It was very nice to be surrounded by good friends that I love dearly.

The highlight of the night was my present from Hanks. He gave me an Inflatable Husband! Well you know that got opened right up.... Meet Inflatable Husband:

As you can see the Inflatable Husband is not very big. I guess he makes up for that with humor. But I must admit that I have thought about cutting him out of the box and going with the paper doll version... he's got it goin' on so much more than the inflatable version!

I don't know about you but I have always had *floats* on my list of husband criteria....

The Inflatable Husband comes with his own manual. I am single... they must have anticipated that I would need a manual. Although I was greatly disappointed to see it was all about how I can care for him. I think it's about time that I had someone to take care of me for a change.

He can be put away when I am tired of him, but as soon as I want something from him, he needs blown!! Now you tell me... is this *any* different than every other man?? How is this benefiting me??!? Sheesh... you can tell this Inflatable Husband wasn't made by a woman, that's for sure!

And like any man, there are warnings:

• Do not bring your inflatable into contact with sharp objects
• Do not bring your inflatable into contact with fire
• Do not bring your inflatable into contact with thermonuclear detonations
• Do not attempt to wash your inflatable with (or on) acid
• Do not attempt to use your inflatable as a murder weapon (unless you are very patient & your victim is immobile)
• This is not *that* type of inflatable and therefore coitus is not recommended ~ We should keep this one in mind with more real life men, so many of them aren't *that* type of inflatable either
• Do not bring your inflatable in contact with members of the psychiatric profession (especially if you've named him) ~ Meriam has already named him for me, I wonder if that counts - in case you were wondering she named him... husband!

I can already tell that we will have many events where Husband will be invited. Might even need to whore him out and share some of the inflatable love.

Friday Night Fiasco

In our adventures of getting out and being social, Jacque got invited to a housewarming party for a new potential client. So she rounded up Deb and I to go with her.

Now let me set the stage for the fiasco....

We arrived at this new house on a dead end road in an area which is still being developed. We didn't see a lot of cars and we were hesitant to go. We had plans to catch a comedy show later in the evening and decided we'd go for a bit. What could it hurt, we had a reason to leave after a while anyway!

Walking up to the front door we decided that this was a perfect murder house. End of the street. Not a lot of houses. Not too populated. Pretty much a forest behind the house. Three single women going to a stranger's house and.... a sign on the door that says, "Walk in!" *Gulp* But fear not, we were brave!

In the murder house we met Hanks and a few others. They were really cool and fun guys. Soon after we needed to leave for our comedy show. They wanted us to come back since more people were still coming, we promised we would.

Upon returning someone pointed out that the light was on in my car. I ran out to turn it off and when I came back in I set my keys on a little end table at the top of the stairway. We spent the next few hours having fun dancing, playing pool and getting to know new people.

*Let the fiasco begin*

Around 2ish we go to leave and my keys aren't on the table. They were gone... not on the table, not under the table, not any where around the table. Gone!

A search of the entire house commenced. Everyone kept asking me if I was surrrre that is where I set them... like I was all too drunk or something to know where I set them down at. I 100% know that I had set them there. A couple people went out to my car to peer inside to see if I locked them in, some called the ones who had left to see if they had picked them up and... nothing.

Here is where it gets fun... all 3 of our purses were.... locked in the car! Both Deb's and Jacque's cell phones were....locked in the car! Both of their keys to their houses/cars were.... locked in the car! Did I have a spare key? No, of course not! What kind of fiasco adventure would this be if I had a spare??!?!

By now it's after 3 am and Hanks, being the super nice guy that he is (mind you, this is the first night we had ever met him), calls his car service to have them come and unlock my car. Well after a long wait on the phone with them, they can't find a locksmith that come to us at that hour of the night. *Great*

Deb was pretty sure that she remembered the code to her garage. We could get in through there, sleep at her house and she had a spare set of keys to her car for in the morning. A dozen tries later, we were in!

I think my favorite moment was when we woke up and Deb said, "Let's go to breakfast!"

I was like, "Um, yeah.. no money!" and she just spouted off, "I'll PAY!"

Ummm remember that ALL of our purses are ...locked in my car??

We were pretty hungry and had some time to kill. Hanks had a soccer game that morning then he was going to work with his service again to get someone out to unlock my car. We decided to head over to my brother's diner and make him buy 3 cute, adventurous, broke, purseless girls some breakfast!

*Let's skip the part where he makes fun of us for being grown women who had the keys to the car stolen and for having our lives (purses) locked in the car*

My brother enlisted the services of his friend Dell who is a locksmith. He came to talk to us and said he could get the car unlocked and make one of those fancy chipped keys but I need to hurry and decide because he only had a couple of hours to get it done. Oh yeah... it's a Saturday so he gets overtime! Total cost: $450! *My jaw may have hit the table*

We hadn't heard from Hanks and dummy me... he had my number but I didn't have his! Jacque had his number on her phone but it was... locked in the car! (See a reoccurring theme here?) I needed to make a decision. After letting me sweat for a minute, Dell said he'd do it for $200. Ok, SOLD.

As we were driving out to Hanks, he finally called! He was telling me that his service couldn't find anyone willing to come out on site so instead they wanted to tow my car to a dealership but couldn't guarantee it would be worked on that same day.

*Phone dies* [insert bad words here]

Once we got there we talked his service into paying Dell to do the work since WE found a locksmith to come out on site all by our own selves. It took a while but he was finally able to get in, make one of those fancy keys and let us be on our way.

A huge thanks to Hanks for being so kind, so helpful and so much fun!

And to whomever has my keys.... I want them BACK dammit!

To do list for the week: Make a SPARE set of keys and stash some cash somewhere for emergency breakfasts!

This one is for Deb! Good ol' Mister Ed!

This is a dating adventure that happened to my good friend Debby. It is too priceless not to share!

We're going to call this guy Mister Ed. Partly because his name is Ed and partly because he should be crowned the horse's ass! On their first date, he was heading the the dog park and asked her along. After spending the afternoon together he wanted to keep spending time with her. She told him she was busy that night (she was going to the movies with me) but invited him along.

He really did seem like a *normal* guy, not her type, but normal just the same. Boy were we wrong! After a couple of more days he started telling her that she was the one he wanted to marry, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and all that. Do you all realize there are some needy, clingy, pathetic guys out there??? Now don't get me wrong. I am all about being pursued, romance, having a guy fall head over heels for me and all that. I also know that it's smart to get to know someone before deciding to get married, and that it takes a little longer than a few days to figure that out!

After a few more days of that Deb needed to go out of town on business. Mister Ed insisted on taking her to the airport. I know all the girls are thinking, "Ahhh how sweet."...but no. That night she starts getting texts from him about how sorry he is that he that he can't meet at the hotel later that night, that he was really looking forward to doing this and that *insert things here with your own dirty mind* and a few other texts that left her thinking *What the HELL*. They hadn't kissed, they hadn't talked about any of this AND don't forget... she was out of town.

She texted him to actually ask "What the HELL"... and he comes back with "Oh sorry, that was my dad, he's a player, and he was texting some chick he is messing around with, he forgot his phone so he was using mine."

Let's pause here and have everyone that believes that please stand up. Ok since no one stood up I'll continue.

This guy needs to grow a pair! You were busted, you screwed up and can't even own up to it. First of all, how many players know the phone number to some slut they want to meet at a hotel? Second of all, once the number was being typed into "his son's phone", wouldn't you notice that oh whoops the NAME to someone in HIS phone came up so I must have typed it wrong... you wouldn't keep sending more and more texts to the same wrong number. Anyway, I could go on and on about how lame his excuse was but we all know he's a lyin' piece of you-know-what!

NEXT!!!

Harmony my foot!

I have single handedly discovered how a certain un-named eDating site is making millions of dollars. *This is where I run into the room in my real life super hero costume (- they have those ya know) and yell TADA*

Well ok, maybe it isn't rocket science or brain surgery, but how lame is this? First there is the outrageous prices to signup/renew...I only signed up cuz I found a deal of $40 for 3 months rather than the normal price of $100+ for 3 months. I recently turned off my subscription, so it won't auto renew, they have sent me twice as many matches in these last 2 weeks than they have the entire 3 months!

I think this is an evil plot so that people will reconcider and renew for that insane dollar amount because they will want time to communicate with these new and intriguing matches. But it won't work! I am not falling for it!